I may have done that.

June 19, 2012

Recently I have been ill, not I’ll no matter how much my iPad refuses to believe me. But as any respectable pet owner will tell you, in the depths of unquenchable loneliness, bordome and throat infections, comes a certain desire.
Don’t get your hopes up, I didn’t bugger my dog. I did, however, introduce the little scamp to the concept of being praised for licking the withered, wince worthy sack between his legs.
Why? Not a shitting clue. Retrospectively, not the smartest of plans, though absolutely hilarious.
I have a sausage dog (happy little things, avoid at all cost) so when he feels the urge to lick his business, it’s quite awkward for him. If only he had some leverage… Fortunately he did! In the form of my mother. Propping himself against her, he inspiringly boldly began licking away. After three days of praise every time he does it, he was just as shocked as I was (lie) when he was halted.
Today, after tea, you didn’t need to know that, me and mum watched the dog and she brought up the idea of the V-E-T-S to try to stop my dog licking itself. I admitted my part in doggles new addiction and explained that sometimes daytime television drives a man mad. All is well and the dog is the happiest we’ve ever seen him.

The moral of the story is, you can teach an old dog new tricks, if that trick involves his balls.